If ever you cherish... @ Friday, February 12, 2010
I'm a bad bad girl....
Reach home about 2a.m.
FACEBOOK is what i does when i online !
I'm super tired i swear but uncle is having his night over at my place, well i let my bed out ):
I finally get my ass out of my house today.
Hmmmmm, for the exact information, it been two month since i does this action !
I slept on WED 2p.m to Thur 7.33 am !
Well, once again woke up due to nightmares.
Never mentioning ever since friday till now, nightmare of me and him quarrelling kept haunting me.
Every moment when the break is out, i woke up fearing.
What does this means?
Suppose to meet girlf but yet cny is round the corner, she seem busy like auntie X:
* She gonna kill me if she saw*
Ahem...
Drag here and there, been unwanting to leave house.
To face the thing outside.
I love to kept myself away from the outside world whenever i'm feeling down.
Because alone is all i wanted.
Took 159 to sk.
All along the way, i was struggling, should i sleep ?
Or to see the memories that i'd it swept pass to awake things?
The night when my first ride by him (:
The night when we cycle to sinming ~
The night when we used to slack at hg's park.
Well well, too much.
Pass jean money and went for lunch because stupid sweetheart was still at JOKER HOUSE !
Nothing much happened ~ NO FUN ! =p
Waited for them since jean is going back for work.
Joker meeting jianan 2 at cp yet only me and jianan at mos.
Starting they say meet at starbuck, then mos.
But does it make any different.
WELL CUZ STARBUCK IS THE PLACE WE KNEW EACH OTHER ! -.-
I sat alone on the exact spot, thinking back, different is i'm alone and it sunny bright ! ._.
Then eat slack shop, and off to amk hub.
OH GOD !
Joker is making a fun load out of me and him !
It super shy to say that.
But yes, i miss him! :X
Sweetheart and me machiam crazy, shop 15min*** at hub down mac for not to 10 min and off to her grandma hse.
Then bugis to accompanied her mum.
Back to her to wait for the dinner , the reason that i suppose to be there.
And whole load, i been missing him hoping to see him when we're hundreds block away only.
And i emo, guess ended up what?
I never change the ringtone, and i get excited when it keep ringing !
Cool, he still machiam my mood remote.
Finally get to be home.
I miss home truly, cuz sweetheart never let me home till she want to go home !
And i also don't wish to overnight at her house.
I keep repeating saying other than my own hse and his, no more :X
I'm going crazy going it, i know >.<
Family issue.
I felt overall that i'm bad to do so.
But can i be selfish for once?
I don't deserve a good cny this year.
Because i'm fucking out of love.
Hmmms, sorry that the reason has to be lying.
And never letting anyone to know about me and him.
I lied to my uncle when he asked me.
I said all those beautiful thing that we say and does, but sadly it over.
Yet i didn't need to fake the happiness because he left it with the memories.
Tears isn't bearable after all.
Once again, crying is all i can do.
I cannot say the truth out of my mouth.
This is the first time that how much i gave my r/s a trust to letting my family know.
And i don't wish there is a second time.
Uncle said " Are you being happy with him ? Is he really serious about you? "
" YUP ! He is serious and i'm happy! "
Uncle " That the reason for this cny in sg as valentine is here too ? "
* THINKING*How i wish it really is, can i just fucking cry out saying everything ended?
" Nah! Partly is ah, but mostly cuz of work. "
LOOK ! I'm a perfect big liar who goes round hurting others.
My grandma shall be super duper sad to heard the news that my bro isn't going back because he don't wish to and i won't be back because i need to work.
I don't bear to hurt my grandma, but i don't wish to drop tears infront of everyone.
My work is being postponed.
My boss tell me whatever the reason that cause me in this stage, clarify, feel better then start work.
He a good boos, i'm a lousy worker.
I'm such a lousy ass who never get thing done well.
I hate myself for never being able to do perfect and hurt others.
Off to my TRUE LOVE SEASON 1 LAST DISC ! EXCITING !
Even by feeling up every single seconds sleeping, tv, com and shopping, my mind is never out of you.
Gaga told me,
Don't be afraid to be irritating.
In this stage, who care about it.
Go for it, make an effort.
And most importantly she awake me, love is selfish.
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